She is my sunshine...

(unedited freewrite)

Happy Bearthday Mama and Happy Summer Solstice. I was raised by a Master number 11, Gemini on the cusp of Cancer.  She is my first love, my mama.  The older I get the more I am like her, the more I am like myself. The more I grow in my womonness the more I see her as a womon, not just Mama.

I am grateful for her sacrifices throughout my life. I am grateful for her support. I am grateful for her strength.  I am grateful for her courage.  I am grateful for her vulnerability.  My mama, was my first "woman womon." Though she is, she wud not describe herself as a feminist, womonist, social justice practictioner,"power to the power" typa sista. Nonetheless, I realize that because of how she reared me, those were the movements that I was drawn to early on.

 I am grateful that Mama made sure that I also saw reflections of my Black gurl self in our home. I've told this story before about how I had ALL Black dolls and toys and she'd color the faces brown/black on the wrapping paper and anything else that she cudnot find to reflect me. She combed my natural hair and told me that I was beautiful and so was my natural hair.  She walked me to school hand in hand singing, "you are my sunshine..."

As a iddy-bitty girl, she taught me that I had a voice and that not only did I have my opinion, but I a right to SAY my opinion.  I had to be respectful, but I was never silenced or told "a child stays in a child's place."  She was my first teacher of critical engagement and to not just "drink the kool-aid" cuz someone told me it "taste'ed"  good. 

 She taught me lessons of responsibility and the value of my word. I grew up dancing and in the arts and I wud go to the field house and sign up for all of these classes and mid-way through I'd want to quit, but she wud not let me. She gave me the same speech, "If you make the commitment then you see it thru to the end." I had to finish the quarter and if I did not want to sign up for all the classes the next quarter, I had that option, but I had to finish what I originally signed up for. 

My mama has a huge heart and though she is  fiery, she is the most giving person I know. ( I come from fiery womyn, she and I both get it honest.  lol lol lol.) She taught me love is in the details, and if you're gonna do something, do it right, to the best of your ability and dont be cutting corners. My mama taught me to never let money be the center of my existence. Give it all away if it impedes my happiness. 

But most important, as Ive said before, I am most grateful that she gave me her God. Though we do not practice our beliefs in the same way anymore,  I am grateful for her making God the foundation in our home and in my life. At heart, I am a church girl. I was raised in the Black church and was active in the Black church. That is my foundation from which I move from to this day. I am not talking about doctrine, I am talking about God and spirituality. I am talking about ancestors, angels, and the knowing that there is something far greater than me who loves me. My mama debunked the myth that, God only help those who help themselves. She told me at an early age God shows favor to whomever God chooses. And because of how my mama reared me, she gave me the space to grow my understanding of God as the Divine feminine.

So on this day, the Summer Solstice, I wish my mama a Happy Bearthday. I love you.